Do it for Jesus!

Honorable Member Dana Vale

I too share your concern about Christian Australians aborting their way to an Islamic Republic of Australia. We have 50 years in which to act and act we must if we are to avoid tabbouleh becoming our national dish. I propose that your party use its majority to pass legislation declaring every Christian uterus a strategic area, vital to the nation's interests. In so doing the government will be able to classify abortion as the destruction of state property, which would quickly put a stop to that.

Of course it shall be the duty of every man to attempt to undo the demographic damage caused by decades of unpatriotic abortions. They shall need help, not all ladies have the good fortune to be as comely as yourself, honorable member. Women should be compelled to spend at least 3 hours a day in the gym, an hour beautifying themselves and at least 8 hours performing Kegel excersises while reading the Kama Sutra, which I'm told does wonders for reproductive ability. It is not necessary for women to be aroused for conception to occur so such requirements are redundant for men who shall have to perform the selfless task of impregnation. Of course our need to maintain our demographic advantage of the Crescent peril will require us to put aside quaint notions of monogamy as we know it. Each man may be forced by circumstance to impregnate several women, being Christian men they shall take no joy in it, solemnly discharging their office as guardians of a Christian tomorrow.

We must let nothing stand in the way of reproduction for the motherland. As you are no doubt aware our health minister, Tony Abbott, has failed to take this crisis seriously, even to the point of restricting the number of IVF attempts a woman can make. While this might be a sound strategy for Catholics who get knocked up at 16 as soon as look at you, more refined Christians shouldn't be prevented from taking part in the defence of the character of our nation. Besides, if we don't take action now, in 50 years we could be living in a Papist state.

Close your eyes and think of Australia!